A Life Well Lived

Myrtle Maleske. 97 years, 7 months, and 16 days old. A woman who I claim part of my name from. A woman who loved God and loved people. A woman who was stubborn and spunky. A woman who I loved.

My Grandma.

Born in 1917, grew up in Illinois, married the boy from around the corner, had 2 kids-one of which was my mom. Growing up I only saw my grandma occasionally. But it was at her house in Chicago that I mastered the stairs as a toddler much to my parents delight (who feared I wouldn't do well on stairs since at the time we lived in Arizona and didn't encounter many stairs there).

Several years ago she moved in with my parents in Maryland. Even though I had already moved out of the house and to another state, it was really at this time I started getting to know her. Started appreciating her yelling at me to wash my own dishes (even though she would do them before I even had the chance to). Observing that she was content to spend a good part of the day doing devotions and delving into the Word. Learning that when she still lived in Illinois she met a guy named Senator Barack Obama. Amazed that she would still occasionally go to the senior center to "workout". And truly believing she would live to see 100 years old.

This last year or two I could see her fading a bit. Her memory wasn't good. She wasn't going to the senior center so physically was more wobbly. And complained about her stomach hurting all the time. I started questioning whether she would make it to 100. But every time I saw her I made sure to give her a hug and a kiss and tell her that I loved her. And she would do the same right back to me.

In the middle of April my dad took her to the hospital because there was blood in her stool. They found a mass in her large intestine and decided to undergo surgery. Turns out the mass was colon cancer. Timeline unknown.

I'm remarkably lucky that my job has me traveling to Maryland on a fairly regular basis. So I got to see her in the hospital a couple times at the end of April. As much as it hurt to see her in pain and not fully aware of what was happening, I got to see her. Before heading back home last month I went to spend some time with her. It was just her and I, and it was a coherent day for her. The staff had gotten her out of bed and into a chair which was an improvement. I fed her some food which was also encouraging for me. We really just sat there watching a baseball game. Our pastor stopped by and my grandma commented how she was happy I was there. How I was good company. Eventually I knew I had to leave although I started tearing up any time I thought about going because I thought this could be the last time I ever see my grandma. Fighting back the tears I said I had to go but that I loved her. She said she loved me to, gave me a hug and a kiss, thanked me for spending time with her and as I turned for one last look on my way out, smiled at me and waved. I managed to hold it together for the most part on my way to my car but upon getting there full out ugly cried for at least 10 minutes in the parking lot.

My dad sent daily updates about how she was doing. While I'm happy I was updated, it was sad tracking her decline mentally as well as physically as she basically stopped eating or drinking anything. Work took me to Maryland again last week. She was in a rehab type home by now where ideally if she got better, she could stay in an assisted living type of setting. Both times I visited I knew she wouldn't last long. The first time she was completely confused and didn't have a full grasp of her surroundings. The second time she slept the whole time not rousing for anything.

May 10th the call came. She passed away sometime between 8-10am on Mother's Day. 97 years, 7 months, and 16 days old. 

In between my April visit and my May visit I really tried to come to terms with the fact I would be losing her soon. Almost hoped for it as I saw she wasn't really living anymore. Merely surviving. And knowing how strong she was in her faith, I knew where her spirit was going upon dying. I knew she would be in a better place. I knew she lived a life worth living. She was born during WW1, experienced the Great Depression, WW2, civil rights, the birth of the internet, and so so so much more! The changes she saw in the world during her lifetime are remarkable. More importantly, the people who knew her loved her.

I still cried after I got the news (cried several times to be honest). Still found myself missing her already. Found myself painting my fingernails (something I don't ever do) a light purple because it was her favorite color and I wanted to think of her often. I wish I asked her more questions. I wish I knew more details about her life growing up. But there's one thing I know. She loved me, and she knew I loved her too.

Myrtle Maleske b.9/24/1917 d.5/10/2015

Adventures in House-sitting

Isn't it fun when you are house-sitting and a loudish noise wakes you up at 3:47am and you don't know what it is and you aren't in your house so you freeze waiting to hear if it's a robber, but don't hear anything, but can't fall back asleep so you lay there suddenly hearing a clock ticking in the room you've never noticed before so of course you think it's the Clockwork Men from Doctor Who 'Girl in the Fireplace' and both simultaneously are frightened and yet pleased this might mean you are as accomplished as Madame de Pompadour. The neighbor's dog is barking outside so you go back to thinking maybe there's a robber which is still not helping you go back to sleep. Then your alarm goes off at 4:27am to go to the gym and you realize it's going to be a very long day. 
Or is that just me? 

PS-turned out it was the shampoo bottle inexplicably falling from the side of the bathtub onto the floor. 

Getting back to a true triskele mindset

2014 brought about a bit of unraveling of what a triskele life should be in my opinion. The harmony between mind, body, and soul got lost along the way. Part of my goal for 2015 was to try and refocus. Find that harmony again.

One of the big areas that took a hit last year was my spiritual life. I lost the joy and passion of pretty much all religious practices. Especially wanting to go to church. When January came I decided to forget the past. To wash away past thoughts, and start with a clean slate. I decided I would start attending CBC again and if I found it wasn't what I needed, that I would look for another church. I was hesitant at the start of the year, but then found my stride. Found enjoyment in the songs. Found comfort in the words. Found the love that comes with a church family.

So far I've only missed 2 Sundays. One was due to just being overwhelmingly exhausted from work and other was today because services were cancelled from inclement weather. I've also started doing daily devotions. The Portals of Prayer that I secretly thought were pointless for most of my life and never gave a second glance at, I've now found an appreciation of. It reminds me of the different times of the church year a bit as well which is something I don't want to forget.

I'm still absolutely miserable at praying, and honestly don't feel as though I have the same relationship with God I once had. But it's improving. I'm improving.

Time flies when you're having......a lot of work to do?

Somehow it's the middle of February. 2015 has flown by remarkably fast so far! It could be in part because work has kept me fairly busy. I've become that person that goes into work extra early, stays late, and still brings her laptop home in the evenings and the over the weekends. It's not exactly something I'm proud of. I enjoy hard work and being busy. I'm happy to put in the extra effort when need be. However, I'm also a fan of finding a work/life balance. And lately that balance has been skewed.

I've had quite a bit more on my plate in 2015. With my boss quitting, it meant her work was spread between several of us. I am involved in some of the bigger, time-consuming projects. Plus February is home to the 2 biggest events of the entire year for my office. And most of the committees I'm on have also stepped it up a notch. Plus, I still have all my normal tasks I'm required to do. All of this to say, work has become a focus while things like reading and blogging have fallen to the side.

So far I've read about 1 chapter of a book this year. While I'm not necessarily proud of this fact, I'm ok with it. Work requires me to focus so much that in my spare time I just want to relax and catch up on current shows and classic Doctor Who. I have also been striving to keep up with my friendships. To feel comfortable leaving work behind and going out with friends for drinks, food, movies, etc.

I've been told before how people admire my ability to keep a work/life balance. I think a prime factor of my ability to do this is compartmentalizing. To know exactly what my primary focus is, and putting all other areas aside for a bit. So when I'm out with friends, I don't check and respond to email constantly. When I'm at work, I try to avoid Facebook. It's one of the ways I've stayed sane and stayed happy at my job for so long. It may be a reason why I wouldn't make it as a VP where I work as well. But to live a triskele life means to be in harmony. To not let one area fully take over another, and to be satisfied with all components of life. Sure, I'm not 100% in harmony right now, but I'm making strides. And after all, realizing this and continuing to strive for harmony may be the most important thing of all.