2014 in Review

Lately I've been thinking about how 2014 has been for me. I partially blame facebook for this because they automatically put together little video reviews for people to look back at the year (I'd like to point out that as a society we have reached the point where technology feels the need to automatically put together a 1 minute clip to remind you of what you've done over the past 364 days so you don't forget *shakes head*). I never watched my video. It was when I realized that I didn't watch it because I didn't want to be reminded about the year that I started really thinking about 2014.

Good things did happen. I want to start with that and remind myself of that fact. Good things did happen. I explored new places, met my Goddaughter, saw all 7 of my nephews, met my goal of reading at least 1 book a month (grand total ended up being 42), and successfully donated blood 6 times which was my unspoken goal for the year. Of course I had plenty of fun with friends and good times as well.

I'm not sure why these things all tend to fade when trying to get a full feel for the year. Perhaps it was just that the couple losses I had impacted me more than the good times. The loss of Robert had a bigger effect on my life than I expected. Obviously the sudden loss of someone is always a shock. But it reached beyond that and made past demons, so to speak, reappear. I now feel further from the church than I have for several years. I also experienced the loss of friendship this year. It's this type of loss that makes me question my friends and those around me. That makes me remarkably cautious around all my friends.

Of course I had other down days or days things weren't going my way. Those are the norm though. I think it was the fact that the couple bad things that occurred really shaped my mindset and outlook. On the one hand, I had good things that were great, sure, but were just experiences that were passing. I hope to have plenty more times were I see my Goddaughter and nephews, and meeting goals that made me feel accomplished, but are not necessarily life changing. On the other hand you had moments that made me question the bigger aspects of my life-my friends and my religion.

Part of me thinks I should go back and watch the Facebook video. Because honestly, it'll probably all be pretty good things they incorporate since I'm not one to complain via facebook or twitter. But more than anything it makes me look forward to 2015. It makes me want to focus more on some of those bigger aspects of life and open up more conversations about those key areas. I don't want to forget the bad or the good. I just want to grow from it all.  To really strive to understand myself more and how I can better myself from 2014.

December Book Recap!

Woohoo! Another successful year of actually sticking to my new years resolution!
My original goal was to read at least 1 book a month. For almost every month I went above and beyond that with reading multiple books! December has turned out to be one of the more successful months!

There are some books that as you start, they introduce you to the characters, set the scene, and it's very easy to follow. Others seem to throw you into a story and you have to try your best to understand what's happening. The latter is how Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta is. At first I worried I wasn't going to piece together everything, but figured I'd just keep reading and hoping it all fell into place. And boy did it! I ended up really loving this book and not wanting to put it down! Set in Australia (which was awesome to begin with although it did have me googling Australian slang a couple times to make sure I knew what a character was saying) and based around Taylor Markham who is trying to figure out who she is just as much as the reader. It's a fun story of how people who shouldn't really get along, end up putting their differences aside, and how their story is connected back to a similar group of teenagers 20 years prior. As the reader you are able to figure some things out before Taylor does, but you are still left wondering how everything is going to resolve itself.

Next up was Night by Elie Wiesel which I have heard quite a bit about, but never read. Night is the story of Elie Wiesel's time as a 12 year old Jew and being taken to concentration camps during WW2. It is a fairly quick read, but has so much to it! This is his story following him over the course of a couple years being in a ghetto, transported by train, what it was like at various concentration camps, and being marched for miles in the snow. Some of what I found most interesting is when Elie would reference his faith. As a devout Jew he studied and asked questions to learn more about his religion as a child, and during the book you almost forget that background until he makes a couple passing remarks from hating God for allowing this cruelty, to moments when suddenly a prayer of praise comes to his mind even in the darkest of times.

Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah was just a quick spur of the moment decision. I had read other books by Hannah and figured why not read another. I didn't expect this book to go as deep and pull me in as much as it did. Even though I swear I didn't know-this book also takes to WW2. This time however you learn about what it was like in part of Russia. A fascinating part of this book was looking at the familial relations between a mother who was always very cold and distant to her 2 daughters. This is a family that is held together by the father who passes away and leaves the rest of the family trying to figure out how to relate to each other without him. My mother was not cold or distant, but the conversations that the mother and daughters end up having with each other in this book are inspiring and something I hope to have the courage to begin having with my family.

I always knew this month I would read at least 1 book because every year when I'm at my parents for the holidays I read my favorite book A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I always love the adventure and science fiction. The characters travel to other worlds, meet different species, and stand up to The Dark Thing which is trying to take over planets. Oddly I don't own this book myself. It keeps me from reading it constantly and getting worn out on it. Just reading once a year is like a present I give myself. Didn't disappoint this year either. Still love it!

This next book took all of no time to read as it is written on a elementary school level, but I'm a sucker for The Boxcar Children! As part of my Christmas present my sister gave me The Animal Shelter Mystery by Gertrude Chandler Warner which is #22 in the series. As a kid I couldn't get enough of these books!! Four kids going around solving mysteries and basically being awesome. Granted they were far to independent for their own good. And I question their grandfather for letting them go off on their own so much, and the responsibility everyone around them gives them. But that's just my adult self going a bit to far. My inner child was enjoying the story and figuring out who done it.

The last full book of 2014 was The Children Act by Ian McEwan. Found this one by googling top books of 2014. I honestly am not sure which list it came from, just that it caught my eye. It was a good book to pass the time, but not one that I found awe inspiring or touching. Focused around a High Court judge and a specific case that has longer lasting effects then when she makes her decision. I was drawn in because this case was one in which the family doesn't want to pursue medical treatment for their son due to religious beliefs, but by not pursuing the treatment, the child would die. Does the judge side with religious wishes, or deciding to save the kid. Meanwhile just to add to the drama, the judge's marriage is also on the rocks. It was an interesting story and enjoyable, but I don't know if I would have put it with the top books of 2014. 

Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster  
Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen 
The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble 

The Maze Runner by James Dashner
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver 

The Scorch Trials by James Dashner

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Larger than Life by Jodi Picoult 

The Death Cure by James Dashner
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Who Will Run the Frog Hospital by Lorrie Moore
Isaac's Storm by Erik Larson
The Kill Order by James Dashner
Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline 
The Magicians by Lev Grossman
Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks
Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult
Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta
Night by Elie Wiesel
Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle 
The Animal Shelter Mystery by Gertrude Chandler Warner
The Children Act by Ian McEwan

November Book Recap!

While I feel as though I've read enough college essays submitted by high school students to fill a book, sadly they don't count. I have however read a couple other real books this month!

First up was The Magicians by Lev Grossman.This is a book that I honestly probably would have never thought to read except a member of my book club was pretty excited for it. I went into it thinking it would be a more "realistic" version of Harry Potter. As the name suggests, there is magic - and not slight of hand and pulling rabbits out of hats. It centers around a guy named Quentin who suddenly discovers he has the ability to do real magic and goes off to a magic boarding school. He is also obsessed with a children's book series in which four siblings travel to this other world to be kings and queens. If these sound familiar to you, you're not alone! The story covered many years quickly, but with minimal character development and maturity. More than anything I found myself constantly saying "Ok that's just like Harry Potter" or "oh that's just like the Narnia series", which took away from the book. Probably my favorite part was a random trip to Antartica that was more original. This is part of a series, but odds are I won't be moving forward with finishing it. 

Next up was Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks. Once again I find myself reading a book based in WW2. Such a good time period for books to be placed. This is kindof a mix between girl power and true love. The main character is Charlotte, a woman who moved to London from Scotland, and fell into love very quickly with a pilot in the war. He ultimately disappears while on a mission over France which prompts Charlotte to take on a task which puts her in in France in some dangerous situations but potentially closer to finding her love. This was a book that was a bit of a slower start for me. I admit I wasn't really in the mood to really sit down and read after work when all I had done at work was read so that may be part of it, but it seemed like it really picked up about halfway through when Charlotte was in France. At that point I was totally on board and interested to see what would happen. While I really liked Charlotte's courage and determination, part of me wishes that it didn't take a guy for her to get involved though. 

Lastly was Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult. I'm a sucker for Picoult's books. This is her latest which I have been looking forward to for a while. Picoult had previously released two short stories written from the perspective of two of the characters in this book as prequels (both of which I mentioned earlier in the year as I read them). I felt the prequels actually did add to the book, especially the one from the perspective of Serenity. I loved Leaving Time as I do most of her books, in part because this one dealt with the mindset of elephants and if you add in animal behaviors my interest will automatically be peaked. It's about a tragedy that separated a mother and daughter when the daughter was only 3, and the daughter's search for her mother years later. One thing I enjoyed was the seamless story telling between the present day and 10 years earlier when the incident took place. There wasn't really a dull moment. It was captivating and yet another one of her books I enjoyed.  

Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster  
Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen

The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble 
The Maze Runner by James Dashner
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver 

The Scorch Trials by James Dashner

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Larger than Life by Jodi Picoult 

The Death Cure by James Dashner
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Who Will Run the Frog Hospital by Lorrie Moore
Isaac's Storm by Erik Larson
The Kill Order by James Dashner
Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline 
The Magicians by Lev Grossman
Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks
Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult

October Book Recap!

For a month where I'm never home this was a surprisingly strong month of books! I first read Who Will Run the Frog Hospital by Lorrie Moore. This was another book club book and was a very fast read. You could easily read it within one day if you are looking for something to pass the time. Unfortunately the book is rather disjointed where you have the main character as an older woman reflecting back on one summer of her life as a teenager. The issue is that you really don't get a feel for the character as an adult so the parts where she is talking about "present day" seems out of place and awkward. Also, the flashback is just that-a flash-it felt like stepping into a story midway through and not fully understanding the characters. Not my favorite read of the year.

Isaac's Storm by Erik Larson has been sitting on my shelf for a while. A quick trip to Colorado provided me about 10 hours of flying time and thus plenty of time to focus on reading this book. It was a bit slow to start but really grew from there! Reading the story of the 1908 hurricane that completely devastated Galveston, Texas was both interesting and frightening. There are a number of people mentioned in the book who come and go quickly so it can be difficult keeping them all straight at times, but even just going along for the ride and understanding the overconfidence that quickly turned into fear amongst all the people is quite strong. Also, since this is a book based on as much fact as possible, I also felt like I learned something!

I finally got around to finishing the Maze Runner series by reading The Kill Order by James Dashner! Kill Order is actually the prequel to the series. It's always a bit weird to me when the last book is actually the first chronologically. Maybe it's that I know what ultimately happens that it takes away from the book a bit. Don't get me wrong, just like all the others in this series, this is still a great book. Full of action that's for sure! Makes you hate the government a little bit as well. You are following a completely different group from the rest of the series and taking place directly after the "sun flares" that are talked about in the other books. Scary to consider how society could go downhill pretty fast.

Lastly I read Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline. So good!!!! My bookclub almost read this book earlier in the year, but now I'm thinking I should bring it up again as another potential! The orphan train's were real from the early 1900s where orphaned children (typically immigrants to the States) were shipped to the Midwest on trains and people could literally just come to the different train stops and pick out a kid to take home. As you can imagine these kids didn't always have the best of lives. While the characters in the story are fictitious, they are still remarkably realistic. I love that this book bounces between the early 1900s and 2011 seamlessly. Joining together two characters who have a lot more in common than they may think. I love that this book also has very strong female characters. This was a book I both didn't want to put down, and didn't want to end. Highly recommended!


Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster  

Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen
The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble 
The Maze Runner by James Dashner
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver 

The Scorch Trials by James Dashner

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Larger than Life by Jodi Picoult 

The Death Cure by James Dashner
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Who Will Run the Frog Hospital by Lorrie Moore
Isaac's Storm by Erik Larson
The Kill Order by James Dashner
Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline

September Book Recap!

September saw the start of me traveling for work and thus getting worried that I wouldn't be able to make it through as many books, but I still made it through 3! Not gonna lie, I was pretty pleased!

First was a classic I had read many years ago, but had forgotten the details of so figured it was time to take it up again. This would be Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. When people saw that's what I was reading a lot were taken aback and almost made me question wanting to read it again. But I'm happy I did. It's good! Granted, I never quite connect with some of these classic novels where the dream guy is in fact rather brute or rude. At least this time the guy shows more kindness and attention to her. I liked Jane's calmness and rational thinking though!

Next up was The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. I enjoyed Brown's other books, and a friend mentioned this one was also really great. Oddly it brought a fun memory where a girl came up to me at a college fair years ago looking for noetic science (which is highlighted in this novel) and when I asked what that was she seemed annoyed and said something along the lines of "it's from the new Dan Brown novel!!!" However now I'm ready! The end kindof dragged for me as the 'bad guy' had been taken care of and the rest just tied up a little bit about Mason symbols, but I still enjoy the rabbit hole Brown takes people down with conspiracies, symbolism, and action. Plus this one takes place in DC which I appreciate since it's a place I've actually been. It always shocks me though when you realize his books pretty much just take place over a few hours or a day!

Lastly I read Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Surprisingly I had never read this before! Which is a bit disappointing because I enjoyed it! Who doesn't like a book about an adorable little boy who suddenly finds himself thrown from rags to riches but still remains just as kind and generous as he was before. I do appreciate good manners and thinking of others.

Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster  

Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen
The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble 
The Maze Runner by James Dashner
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver 

The Scorch Trials by James Dashner

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Larger than Life by Jodi Picoult 

The Death Cure by James Dashner
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett

August Book Recap!

Was finally able to pick up the pace with reading again this month! It may have helped that a fair bit was young adult books so the big words and hidden symbols were kept to a minimum.

Last month my book club read The Maze Runner by James Dashner which was remarkable good! I really enjoyed it and looked forward to continuing the series. Well this month I definitely did that by reading both the 2nd and 3rd books in the series, The Scorch Trials and The Death Cure. There is a 4th book to the series which is actually a prequel to Maze Runner. If the library has this easily available I may read it, but I find it sometimes weird to go back and read the beginning when I do know what already happens. Of the entire series, the first book was probably my favorite. But then again, it could be because it was fresh and new and that first spark of something new is often times the most exciting. Scorch Trials is a very obvious second book in that it does keep the pace going and new plot lines emerge, the readers are introduced to more characters, and ultimately more questions are formed than answered. Luckily Death Cure does a good job of answering a number of those questions and you do get a formative ending. You don't get all the details, especially regarding Teresa, and I would have like liked the chancellor to be a bit more present with more details, but such is any good book. It leaves you with a fair amount of answers, with just a few questions left. Definitely a good overall series and one I suggest. I typically don't pick up young adult series, but I'm happy I picked up this one! Who knows, maybe I'll eventually pick up some of the other popular series too!

My book club this month selected to read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. Going into this book, I had heard it was good, but never really knew what it was about. To be honest, I didn't even read a summary of what the book was about, just merely jumped in and started reading. That was a unique way to read as normally I have at least a general feel for what the basis of a book is. If I had to describe this novel I'd probably say it was predominately about two screwed up people who happen to get married and ultimately end up ruining each others lives. Gone Girl certainly keeps you guessing and going back and forth between the two main characters as to who you like and who you hate. Friends had told me that there's this crazy twist you don't see coming and it's going to be amazing! Well, I got to that point, and I had guessed it already. Or at least hoped for it. So it didn't shock me, but what did shock me was the psychotic things you learn of after that twist. I liked the whole story up until the very end. At that point there was a strong chance I ended the book by saying "seriously?!?!?" out loud. It left me feeling pity for pretty much all characters involved.

Lastly, I read the short story Larger Than Life by Jodi Picoult. This is another precursor to her next novel that comes out next month and introduces you to the mother of the main character in her upcoming book, Alice. She researches and studies animal memory, at times feeling more sympathy toward the animals than she should. I actually found myself hoping that the book would continue and I'd learn more so I guess it did what it's supposed to! Then again, any book that is about humans and animals creating a bond that surpasses the differences of species is pretty much guaranteed to get my seal of approval.  Even more to the goal of Picoult is it got me more excited for her book that comes out in October!


Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster  

Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen
The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble 
The Maze Runner by James Dashner
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver 

The Scorch Trials by James Dashner

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Larger than Life by Jodi Picoult 

The Death Cure by James Dashner 

July Book Recap!

July was a better month than June for book reading! Even with unpacking a new place, and 2 weeks of absolute craziness at work-I still managed to read a couple! Better yet-I enjoyed most of them!!!

First I finished The Peppered Moth which I had previously started in June. As much as I wanted it to, it never fully captured me like I hoped it would. It seemed to jump a bit going from person to person within the same overall family tree. Each person was moderately interesting, but it just never fully meshed well for me. At the end I was just feeling like I just watched a scripted reality TV show. It was that feeling of kindof getting a feel for someone, but never feeling as though they were as open and had as much depth as you had hoped.

On the other hand, I was instantly hooked with The Maze Runner by James Dashner! Looking over the books I've read this year it's obvious I don't really read a lot of science fiction, or dystopian type of books. And yet oddly enough-I do really like that genre! Maze Runner captured the spirit of adventure and the unknown right away. When even your main character and narrator has no idea about his past, where he is, who he is, or even how old he is-it makes for a pretty interesting ride! Add in some survivalist fears, some mystery, and then a big twist at the end and I love it! It's part of a series and I definitely think I will be continuing it!

Lastly was The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. This had been on my list for a while and I'm happy I finally sat down to read it! It follows a family over a number of years, but focuses first and foremost on the family's first year as missionaries in the Congo. One thing I liked about this book is that it is written from the 5 main female characters (the mother and 4 daughters) points of view. But the mother's is always looking back and in past tense while the daughter's are always in the present. You can't help but feel for the family; and the paths the 4 daughters go down are so vastly different! I don't admit to being a great scholar on Africa's politics in the 1960s and 70s so it did kindof open my eyes a bit to what life may have been like at that time there (with a grain of salt however as it was a fiction novel). Great read from start to finish!

Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster  

Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen
The Peppered Moth by Margaret Drabble 
The Maze Runner by James Dashner
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver 

June Book Recap!

June was not my best showing. In fact I only read 1 1/2 books this month. Part of this is surprising since I traveled this month and normally when I fly I can get quite a bit of reading done. Instead these flights consisted more of dozing or listening to podcasts. Then the two weeks I was gone were full of activity which meant no time for reading, and a week after I returned I moved to a new place. Oh June has certainly has it's distractions from books!

The one full book I read was entitled Black and Blue  by Anna Quindlen and was very good! I was looking for a light easy read and ended up picking a book about a woman who builds up the courage to leave her husband and father of her son after 20 years of physical abuse. Not exactly light hearted, but it was so well written and flowed remarkably well, it was a pretty fast read! I really liked that it showed that developing the courage to leave is just the first step. After that comes the anxiety and paranoia that constantly exists; paranoia that you will slip up and someone will find out who you are and word will get back to him. I would definitely recommend this book!!

I started a book entitled The Peppered Moth, but only managed to make it halfway through. So far it hasn't fully captured me like Black and Blue, but we will see how the second half goes in July! 

Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster  

Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen

May Book Recap!

May was a pretty strong Month in terms of number of books listed! Although I will admit it was also a month of shorter books so that was pretty helpful in getting through half of them really fast.

First book of May was Looking for Alaska by John Green. I admit I read it because it was selected for my book club. I had read another Green book earlier in the year, but honestly it wasn't my favorite. It didn't capture my attention and interest too much. Looking for Alaska was much more captivating to me though! I really enjoyed it from the first page to the last. I liked the plot, the characters, and the development of the story. It takes place on a boarding school campus and delves into lives of the kids that aren't the jocks or preppy kids you stereotype for boarding schools. Granted the characters talk a little above their age using words and phrases that regular teenagers wouldn't use (reminded me of Dawson's Creek type of dialogue), but I could get past that since I'm also well past being a teenager.

Next up was When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington. This was a book that was given out at my church after TJ came and gave the sermon on Sunday. I read the entire book in about 6 hours and admit that I skimmed a little more than I normally do. But it was a cool thing to have heard from the author on this very topic and then read the book he wrote on it. Kindof like getting the cliff notes before diving into the real book. I think it's a good book to read when you are dealing with some crazy times in life and it seems like you keep getting knocked down and question why. Was it something I needed that particular day? Not exactly, but it was still something I'll keep in mind for when those times may come.

Apparently it was the month of reading a book in less than a day. Granted this next book is written at about a 4th grade level so it took all of an hour and a half (and that may be with me stopping for a break in the middle). Number the Stars by Lois Lowery is probably one of my FAVORITE books from when I was a kid. I was buying some books for an elementary school my church is associated with and this was one I picked up. I couldn't help but read it again myself! I still think it introduces some pretty serious topics to kids in a way that doesn't scare them to much. I still really enjoyed this book and while saying it was an easy read at this point in my life is an understatement, it still makes the reading list for sure!

On a more age appropriate level, I also read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. I was pretty captivated by this book although, like The DaVinci Code is does push some of the religious boundaries a bit. Similar to DaVinci Code there is a lot of reference to historically true information as well as a lot of fictional freedom. I was surprised that the entire story takes place within a 24 hour period. You don't see many books like that. I  feel like the tiny bit of romance at the end was completely unnecessary, but if I had stopped before the last 5 pages it would have been absolutely fantastic!

Second to last full "book", and I use quotations because technically it was a short story. Jodi Picoult's Where There's Smoke is a prequel to her new book, Leaving Time, that comes out in October. Picoult is one of my favorite authors and I always really enjoy her writing. This short story was no different. It centers around a psychic named Serenity who will play a part Picoult's new book. It's just a glimpse since it's only about 35 pages, but you really get to know this character in a short amount of time!

Lastly I barely finished A Passage to India by E.M. Forster in May (I'm talking finished it literally at 10:27pm on May 31 barely finished). Not gonna lie-I didn't really enjoy it. I heard it was supposed to be great and tell of racial struggles between the English and Indians in India, but really to me only the middle about 60 pages were really good. Probably not one I'm going to read again.


Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Looking for Alaska by John Green
When Life Comes Undone by TJ Addington
Number the Stars by Lois Lowery
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Where There's Smoke by Jodi Picoult
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster

April Book Recap!

Time to get away from some of the serious happenings of the month, and shift gears back to my New Years Resolution of reading at least 1 book a month. Even with all that has been going on, I still managed to read 2 books in April!

I started with And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini. I've really enjoyed Hosseini's other books The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns so I've been looking forward to reading his latest for quite some time. Unfortunately, I don't feel as though it lived up to his other top sellers. The book is still ok, but it jumps quite a bit from various characters, who are only loosely related, as well as jumping between years. Hosseini had me right away with the initial few chapters, but then sadly we don't see these characters again until the very end. The middle is full of other characters each getting a few chapters describing their lives at the time but they are never enough to fully satisfy what I hoped to learn about those people. All in all, I admit I was a little disappointed, but then again I may have had too high of expectations seeing as how I really enjoyed his other books!

Next I went for a classic, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. This is one I've heard people rave about and has been on my list of books I'd like to read for quite a while. I'm so glad I finally got around to it as it really was a good book! It does start off kind of intense and fast so it took me a minute to start sorting things out. My only complaint is that before reading it I had always heard of Heathcliff kind of being this ideal romantic so that's what I went in expecting. Having now read the book, in my opinion he is NOT! Yeah he has strong love for one person in the world. But to literally everyone else in the book he is mean, cruel, and vindictive! That was quite surprising to me! I never got on his side. Really I found myself not liking most of the characters as they all seemed rather petty and selfish. But that didn't take away from the story surprisingly! Highly recommend this one to be read!


Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Still walking with those emotions....

It's now been about 5 days since I heard about my pastor. Which means it's been 5 days of roller coaster emotions. And I don't anticipate suddenly getting off that roller coaster and never getting back on again. In fact, I believe this is something that will have an effect on me for a while. Not necessarily in a horribly negative way-just in some way.

Yesterday afternoon was the memorial service. I went into it preparing to ugly cry like no other! Before then I had pretty much been holding back my emotions and not allowing myself to express the true extent of my feelings. So I figured the service would be my time. And I admit, as soon as his wife and 2 kids walked in there were definitely some tears rolling down my face. But I never had a moment of utter breakdown ugly crying. And I think my tears were exclusively sadness yesterday. Sadness that we lost this man who honestly I very much respected. A man who I really looked to for guidance and enjoyed hearing him speak. A man who had laughter in literally every single one of his sermons. A man who did a lot for our church family.

There were a number of people who spoke yesterday. People who knew him when he first became a Christian, people who knew him when he was in college and starting to date the woman who became his wife, people who worked with him at various churches. And something I took from all their words of wisdom, was that he really was a great guy who loved life and loved God. And that none of us may know why he did what he did. One person said that he led with all of his heart and with all of his passion, and that could lead you to a lonely and dark place. Maybe it was being there for so many others without feeling like he could be selfish and ask for help himself. Now that's just pure speculation on my part-but it does kindof make sense. At least to me it does.

The songs were honestly hard at first. Because like I've said before, when the songs are all about praising God and finding strength, it still made me sad that he couldn't do that himself. But what I found was that by the end of the service I was singing the songs for me and not for him. I was singing them to take comfort in the words and what I've felt from them. A couple different people mentioned how our church, which really has been flourishing over the past few years, may be under some form of spiritual attack. Within the last year 3 of the leaders in our church have been battling cancer and now this happens as well. It's like when things start going really well, something or someone wanted to come along and try and knock us down. A prayer for the church is that we won't be beaten back. That we will mourn the loss of our friend, but that we will feel a revival and people coming closer to God in this loss than a separation.

I'm not over it. As I read back over what I've typed it sounds like I've come to terms with what has happened. And while I admit, today is easier, and today I feel more peace; it's not over. An online quiz I took recently (I'm a sucker for online quizzes) had me pick a quote from a number of options. I picked this one by Willa Cather "There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm." Now I don't know who Willa Cather is. I'm honestly not sure if Willa is a man or woman; although I'm leaning woman since Willa ends in an a. But it's a quote that seems to resonate with me in a time like this. This whole experience is a lesson. Something that will alter my outlook and who I am from this point on. And while I will continue to process over the next few days, weeks, months; I will try to stand firm in my own strength. I will continue to learn from this situation and all that happens after it.

A walk with my emotions during a difficult time

I can't believe this happened and that I am writing these words.........my pastor committed suicide. 

This past Friday the 11th, he took his life. I was made aware of it the next day. My first reaction was shock, disbelieve, sadness, and then anger. Anger stayed the longest. I typically react to death with a combo of sadness and anger. Last month when there was a loss I felt anger to God. But with this, it was against my pastor. It was his choice. His actions. His decision to leave behind his family, friends, and congregation. 

Sunday was supposed to be a church service of praise for Palm Sunday. Instead it was a service of prayer. As I sat there and I saw how many people filled the church to ultimate capacity, with many people crying, I still felt angry to be honest. I don't like making people feel bad, or hurting others. So to leave that many people hurt and confused is something I just don't understand. 

I've thought about suicide before, probably more than I want to admit. And I get that sometimes there doesn't seem like a reason to live anymore, but when you have that much of a support system around you that's when I get confused. Being an adult means asking for help when you need it sometimes. It means understanding when you need to be vulnerable. I thought he understood that. But I guess not. 

In church we sang a hymn as well as read a Psalm. Both of which basically mention standing strong in God in times of trouble and in times of need. Building yourself up and getting your strength from The Lord. It was great to hear and something the congregation can really take hold of to lift them during this time. But if he believed that too, then why in the hell did he commit suicide?!? Who was he that he felt he couldn't talk to anyone, admit he needed help and sought help from The Lord and the people around him. Instead he opted to take his own life. To give in to the suffering. To leave behind his wife and 2 children. To leave behind literally hundreds if not thousands of the people he has touched in this world. One of the other pastors even said he wished he had reached out and called. Everyone said it was unforeseen and that even last week he was joking and pranking and getting excited for the upcoming sermon series. So what the hell happened?!?!?!? They said he admitted to be a broken individual but we all are. 

As much as it sounds like I do, I am really trying not to judge him. I'm just confused. And don't like to see people in pain. I think eventually I'll give in to the fact that we may never know why he made that choice. But as I write this less than 24 hours after hearing the news, I'm just filled with a crazy array of emotion. He was a great pastor. I really enjoyed his preaching and his messages. I respected the fact that he would get emotional and real and honest during his messages as well. I appreciated the positive change he made in my friends lives. This is going to be something new for the church to overcome.

It's an interesting time of year for it. We are in Holy Week currently. A week of praise and worship and welcoming. It leads up to a great tragedy tho. It leads up to the loss of our savior. The loss of our greatest spiritual teacher. Holy Week has always been a big deal to me. Good Friday is typically one of my favorite services as it is always so full of emotion. But I think this year it will be even moreso emotional. Because now I know what it feels like to lose your spiritual leader. I'm not saying Robert was Jesus by any means whatsoever. I'm only saying that Good Friday was always a day that was emotional but also exciting because I knew what would happen 3 days later. But now I can more closely relate to what Christians felt when they woke up one Saturday and realized that someone they looked up go for spiritual guidance was taken from them. To lose some sense of hope. To question why he didn't save himself. To feel cheated of guidance and direction. To have so many questions that are left unanswered. And I know that this situation is very different from the one that took place 2000ish years ago. But I guarantee this Friday I'll feel more connected to the believers of that day. I'll understand the story from a different point of view.

I'm still trying to figure out my emotions. Still dealing with confusion and sadness and anger. But I refuse to lose my faith this time like I have before. I refuse to feel further from God. I refuse to let myself slip. And I commit myself to not feeling that same way again. To not feel as hopeless. To find my strength. And to overcome and grow.

March Book Recap!

March was the month of the Nonfiction!

Normally I feel like I tend to go more towards fiction novels, but I have to say I have absolutely LOVED the nonfiction I've read this month!

It started with A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. This was actually recommended to me by one of my closest friends. Near the end of February a good friend of my good friends passed away. He was merely an acquaintance to me, but I was still absolutely shocked and still saddened. I never know how I will react to death. In this case I could feel old emotions of anger and that overwhelming sense of "why?" coming up. This book was recommended to me actually by a friend who was really close to the guy who passed away. I trust her recommendations about pretty much anything and this was a good book in this circumstance. It basically follows Lewis as he loses his wife and deals with his own grief, anger, and confusion toward life and especially God. Through it it made me realize how selfish my emotions are relating to not just this death, but just death in general. It helped me reach a better understanding and peace. I don't doubt that next time I experience death I will probably pick this book back up for a quick read (and it really is pretty quick!)

Next was The Monuments Men by Robert Edsel. This was another book that was made into a movie this year. I've always really liked learning about WW2 and thought this sounded great! It is a perspective that I have NEVER heard or thought about before. It surrounds a group of unlikely war heroes who use their background in art history and art restoration to go find, protect, and restore art that either has been stolen by the Nazi Party (who knew Hitler was such an art buff!) or may have been in threat of being ruined just by he movement of troops.

Apparently The Monuments Men didn't fill all the WW2 books for the month. My book club this month decided to read The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer. Another true story about a woman's journey during WW2. This was also a perspective I had never heard as it was a Jewish woman who goes undercover basically pretending to be her Christian friend. Edith goes to a work camp and you learn about what that experience was like, before returning home, going undercover and moving to a new country, meeting a man who is a Nazi and actually is attracted to the fact Edith is lying about her whole story and marries her. As much as I feel for Edith's fear and paranoia that her real identity could be found at any time, I also found myself feeling a bit of disdain at the fact that other Jews were in hiding and not able to go outside, or at concentration camps, while this woman ends up essentially rising to a place of respect by being a Nazi Officer's wife and mother of his baby. There were some confusing feelings in this book for sure, but overall it was still really good.

Lastly I read Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen. Technically 2 books, although Shadows on the Grass was much shorter and was basically a call back to Out of Africa. It followed Karen Blixen (the author's real name) through many of her years in Africa. Karen was a Danish woman who moved to Africa to start a coffee plantation in 1913 and lived there until about 1931. She talks about her struggles, some of her hunts, but more than anything her interactions with the natives. It was a cool perspective, again-that I hadn't really heard before.

Another successful month of reading. Starting to get to the point where I'm going to need more recommendations from friends and do more searching to find what books I want to read next! 


Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
A Grief Observed by CS Lewis
The Monument Men by Robert Edsel
The Nazi Officer's Wife by Edith Beer
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass Isak Dinesen

February Book Recap!

February.....not so successful as January.
I still read a book! But emphasis on "A" book. Just one. Luckily it was pretty good.

I bought Freedom by Jonathan Franzen a while ago because I thought it sounded really good. I admit it was part of Oprah's Book Club. I have never watched an episode of her show or read her magazine or bought into anything else of hers, but her book club does have some pretty good tastes! If I see that sticker of approval I'll typically pick up the book to at least check it out!

Freedom was a bit more dense and would have taken longer to read than most of the January books even if I wasn't working crazy hours this entire month! Freedom is a fiction novel that basically follows a family from normal, to dysfunctional, and back to slightly normal. More times than not I found myself reading and thinking "why the crap are you making that decision?!?" Because you could almost see the dysfunction developing. Plus I felt like I was getting a lesson on environmental and government policy at one point which wasn't as pleasurable. Overall though it was a good book. It was interesting to play the "will they, won't they" game, and try and figure out how things will turn out. By the end I actually cared a bit about the characters which is the primary goal of any author.



Books Read in 2014:
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Wild by Cheryl Strayed
The Fault in Our Stars  by John Green
Burned by Ellen Hopkins
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

Update to January Readings

Remember when yesterday I said I wouldn't be finishing Burned by Ellen Hopkins in January because I was only 3/5 of the way through it? Apparently I underestimated myself.
Last night I started reading and then next thing I knew I was almost done! It helps that her book is written is a totally different format than regular novels so it doesn't take long to get through the book at all!

I was pleasantly surprised by this book! Another teenager falling in love storyline but with some strong added extras to the plot that make it pretty good! And an ending that really makes you go 'holy crap! i wonder if she does it!' The only downside was sometimes the format taking away from the book, but thats pretty much it.

And that means I finished 3 and a half books in January!
Lets see what February brings!! 

January Book Recap

It's Friday!!!!!!!!! Just had to get that out there.
More importantly it's the end of January. My goal is to post updates as to how I'm doing throughout the year on my book reading resolution every month.

I'm off to a really strong start actually! In January I read 2 full books, plus half of another, plus 3/5th of another. Let me explain-I cheated and started my resolution early. I started Great Expectations around Christmas so by the time January actually started I was almost half way through it. And currently reading another book (which I don't think I'm going to finish tonight so thus will carry over into February).

I'm proud of myself so far! I admit the next 2 months may be more difficult as I think I'm either working or have other plans every single weekend which are big reading times for me. For about a week or so this month I would get up a half hour early just to be able to sit in bed and read for a while. I actually really liked that. It was a nice calm way to start my day.

Here are the books I finished/started in January:

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens: I read this one years ago in high school and remembered I liked it, but didn't really remember why. Reading it again I remembered why! Such a great book! Good story, great characters, and some fun twists!

Wild by Cheryl Strayed: Another memoir of hiking a 1,000+ mile trail. Except this time it was the Pacific Coast Trail as opposed to the Appalachian Trail like other books I've read. I'm not going to lie, I thought I would enjoy it more than I did. Her time hiking I enjoyed, but her life off the trail through flashbacks I didn't really care for. Granted I'll probably still consider seeing it in it's movie form starring Reese Witherspoon that comes out this year.

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green: Also a book being made into a movie this year. Although I don't think I'd care to see this one in theaters. I liked the book as a whole, but the end was a little lacking for me (and not in the way the author probably hoped for). While I liked the book, I don't think the movie will have the same effect.

*Not Finished Yet*
Burned by Ellen Hopkins: A very easy read so far-although it takes a minute to get used to her writing style where every page is almost more of a poem format. Jury is still out on the book though since I haven't finished yet!

From shattered to rebuilt

a few years ago I lost someone close to me.

not through death, not through distance, but because of actions of stupidity.

because of bad decisions.

a few years ago a friendship was ruined.

and it shattered me.

it made me look at my life.

it made me take stock of what was important and how i was living.

it made me realize i didn't like myself anymore.

and it made me change.

the person i am today is not the person i was before.

as for the friendship-it was built back but on shaky ground.

it went from tolerating, to talking, to joking.

but there was still the awkwardness in the room at times

the unspoken elephant of the day our friendship was originally shattered.

but we never addressed it.

until now.

finally the time came to talk.

to tell each other what we've both felt for a while.

to be able to say those words "I'm sorry".

to be able to say "it made me change".

to realize that its both of us who have changed.

that we are both stronger and more confident in who we are.

i'm sad we missed out on those few years, but i'm beyond thrilled we made it past that trial.

to discuss it and move on.

to understand the thoughts from the other persons point of view.

to finally be able to know that it's settled.

to be confident in our relationship.

and know for sure that i have my friend again.